The Jim Blob Story

There once was this kid named Jim. Jim wasn’t very slim. Everybody picked on him.

Jim was fat, and he hated it. The fat itself wasn’t so bad, it was everybody picking on him that got on his nerves. All day, every day, people were making fun of him. All of him classmates picked on him, and even the adults. Jim Blob they all called him. Jim Blob the big fat slob.

The doctors told him that it was hormones. His body didn’t metabolize fast enough, whatever that meant. And he was afraid of water. Once, when he was very little, Jim had almost drowned. Ever since then he’d been afraid of the water. That’s why he didn’t bathe often. That’s why he was so dirty.

The kids in school always found something new and original to make fun of Jim with. Sometimes, they’d write little Rhymes about him:

There once was a big fat slob
Whose name was Jim Blob
He weighed 280 pounds
In lunch he made gross sounds

Nobody liked Jim Blob
Because he was a slob
And he liked to sit on people
In the church steeple

Some of what they wrote didn’t make a lot of sense, but it still bugged him quite a bit. Being fat and clumsy was a curse to Jim, and he prayed to God every night that the curse would be lifted. But only Jim could end his misery.

Jim’s chance for revenge came to him one day during lunch at school. He was sitting, trying to eat, while the other kids threw food at him and rubbed potatoes in his hair, during which they were singing their little songs. Jim knew when the principal would be coming, and just 30 seconds before he jumped up and yelled, "Bet you can’t hit me!" With that remark he ran for the door to the cafeteria. Just as the principal reached the door two of the meaner kids, Mike and Chuck, flung spoonfuls of mashed potatoes at Jim. Jim ducked.

As Mr. Marshall, the elementary school principal, rounded the corner, two spoonfuls of mashed potatoes landed on his face. He wasn’t very happy. Nobody would confess to shooting the potatoes, and the whole 6th grade, except for Jim, had to clean the lunchroom instead of going to recess. Jim finally had the gratification of outsmarting his classmates. With this newfound confidence Jim’s hormone problem disappeared. Now Jim is much thinner, he isn’t afraid of water, and he is enjoying his popularity very much.

There once was a kid named Jim. Jim wasn’t very slim, Now Jim’s thin, and everybody likes him.


1998, John Kinne, All rights reserved